


Operation: Old Men (Or: The Time Tony and Clint Were the Worst Cupids Ever)

by Shriek



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexual Bruce Banner, Asexual Character, M/M, Matchmaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 06:46:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8880004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shriek/pseuds/Shriek
Summary: For the Secret Santa Fic Exchange
Prompt: How about all of the avengers trying to get Steve and Bucky together, and finally Steve and Bucky catch on and are like “we’ve been together since the 40s, wtf are you doing?”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theawkwardturtleduck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theawkwardturtleduck/gifts).



> This isn't the type of thing I normally write, so it was an interesting experience for sure. But any chance for Darcy antics and asexual Bruce!

Pepper is the only one who refuses to participate.

But she also makes that doe-eyed face whenever Steve laughs so hard he throws his head back and grabs at Bucky’s chest. Granted, he’s done that to most of them at one time or another, but she only makes The Face when he does it to Bucky, so Tony still counts her as on board.

Bruce won’t say either way whether he’s for or against Operation: Old Men. (Tony and Clint came up with the name. Trust them. It works.) He agrees to the desired end result, but not the means. Because he knows nothing about these things, obviously. Sam doesn’t count because he is firmly not an Avenger (he says) and therefore his opinion on whether or not to meddle is taken on a consultant basis only. (AKA, it is ignored.) Rhodey barely knows Steve, and with that whole grey area of Bucky technically being an internationally wanted Hydra assassin, Tony decides it’s better that he stays in the dark about Bucky being back. And living in the tower. And hopefully becoming Steve’s boyfriend, if the operation goes well.

Their first recruit, Natasha, joins with a condition.

“No pushing. We encourage the growth of what we already all see. Maybe they haven’t gotten together because that sort of thing was a death sentence in their time, or maybe they’re just not ready. God knows they’ve both been through enough as it is. If there’s even an inkling that they don’t want this, for whatever reason, we stop.”

Clint nods solemnly, so Tony follows suit.

They grab Thor’s approval via a brief skype chat that Darcy arranges with Jane. Darcy is the new data something or other that Pepper hired and apparently she’s very good at her job, so Tony doesn’t worry too much about how often she’s around, or how she seems to know _everyone_. Clint likes her, if that’s any comfort.

“I thought they were already together?” Thor asks, only half in the frame. Darcy had been trying to hold a conversation with Jane about something, but at Clint’s request she mentioned their operation, and in popped Thor.

“Nope.”

“Definitely not.”

Thor frowns but Jane politely pushes his head out of the frame and continues talking to Darcy as if nothing happened.

So the operation continues, and their numbers are woefully small. Clint is confident that they can pull it off anyway. Tony sees the way Steve makes sure to never put himself behind Bucky, and is less sure.

Their first mission is simple. Set the atmosphere for a romantic night. They plan a group movie night that everyone has to mysteriously cancel for at the last minute. The result is Steve and Bucky alone in the common area, popcorn popped and the movie ready to play. The Lion King was Darcy’s idea. A cute Disney classic to entertain them and encourage emotions. But Steve jumps off the couch without warning and Bucky follows immediately, leaving the wildebeest to stampede unseen. Natasha appears behind them and smacks both Tony and Clint on the back of the head.

“Do your damn research,” is all she says before she walks away again.

So they do. And really, how was Tony supposed to know that Bucky fell screaming to his apparent death in such a similar fashion? You’d think that was a thing his father would mention, with how much he talked about Steve. Clint says nothing, but they both silently vow to do better.

They try to recruit Bruce in their next mission, but he refuses. Clint is ready to write him off as a traitor to the cause until, two weeks later, Bruce makes the most awkward segue in the history of mankind.

“... so I told him those explosives were the ace up our sleeve and-”

“You know I’m ace. Asexual. Ace for short. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it. I don’t know why I’m mentioning it now...”

Tony jumps in to save this sinking ship.

“It’s national coming out week! And we’re all very proud of you, Bruce, for telling us. I’ll bet Cap and the silent terror don’t know what asexual means though, so why don’t you tell them.”

As it turns out, Tony is the only one in their sleepy pre-breakfast cluster who does know what asexual means, so the whole conversation is very useful and informative for all, but especially when it moves on to other sexualities and how widely accepted they are these days. Tony grins over his coffee cup, and Bruce smiles back. Good thing they had this talk a year ago, right?

With the seed planted, Tony and Clint expect to see immediate results. Tony, with what he feels is no more than his usual disinterest in subtlety, mentions men he’s slept with any time he’s within earshot of Cap or Bucky. Which is always both of them. In fact, neither Clint nor Tony can ever remember seeing one without the other since Bucky came in from the proverbial cold. A sure sign that their operation is necessary. These two were meant for each other, by all accounts. Tony has read more than a few historians who would agree.

The final mission is all stops out. Steve’s birthday. Thor and Jane are in from visiting her parents, Sam has made the trip from DC, and the party is going to be spectacular, but private.

Pepper agrees to forgo the usual spectacle of a national hero’s birthday without question, though she does watch Tony with her businesswoman eyes the whole time he proposes it. He doesn’t like that look. He appointed her CEO for a reason. He knows that look can see through all lies. But the fact that she agreed makes her an ally to the cause, so he doesn’t say a word as she downscales the party to their humble group of friends.

Darcy, without actually being told a bit of the plan, buzzes with excitement over it. Without actually being told that there even was a plan. Tony loves and fears all the women in his life.

Natasha, in much the same way, offers suggestions for the food, the music. Not things from their past, but things Steve likes now. She mentions the list he keeps. Suggests a few things he hasn’t yet tried, but would probably enjoy. Tony takes her word as law and passes the information on to the caterers.

On the night of, Thor slides an arm around Clint and Tony’s shoulders and pulls them close.

“How goes the plot?” Clint pulls easily out of his grasp and grins.

“Great, it goes great. Tonight is the night.”

“What is the plan?”

Clint glances at Tony, who looks right back. The plan. The plan for the culmination of their operation. Which was supposed to happen tonight. Now. At a party that is already well underway.

“I thought the… ambiance of the intimate party would do the trick?”

Clint covers his face with his hand.

“You said you had this covered. You said-”

Thor grabs both of them by the shoulder abruptly and turns them to face the corner of the kitchen, where Steve and Bucky are currently pressed up against each other. Bucky’s right hand caressing the side of Steve’s face as he kisses him.

Clint whoops in triumph.

Startled, they jump apart only to find that their entire group of friends is now staring.

“We did it!” Clint cries, holding his hand up for Tony to high five.

But before he can, Steve says, “Did what?”

“Finally got you two together! The movie, Bruce’s awkward sexuality talk. It worked!”

Steve and Bucky, still only a few inches apart, are staring like everyone has grown a second head.

“We’ve been trying to get you both to do the do for what, two months now?” Tony elaborates.

Bucky makes a snorting noise unbefitting the immortal legendary assassin he appears to be.

“Stevie. What the fuck.”

“It was… I thought you were dead.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and slides his hands around Steve’s waist.

“And since I’ve been back?”

“I’ve been distracted.”

“Damn right you have,” Bucky whispers. It’s only loud enough to hear since the room is dead quiet otherwise, but it confirms the suspicion Tony’s had for the last three minutes or so.

“You two have been together all along!” he cries. Steve smiles like he’s so much in love that it hurts, and Bucky smiles back.

“Since we were sixteen,” Steve says.

“Holy shit.” Clint looks almost disappointed, but maybe that’s a spy thing. Being so very wrong on his intel must be a shock.

Natasha, on the other hand, has a small smile. She catches Steve’s eye and he smiles back. Tony can’t fathom the exchange that seems to go on in those mere seconds, but he can tell it’s a good one.

Thor slings an arm around his shoulder again, making him jump.

“I told you they were already together!”

“And I told you not to stick your nose in other people’s relationships.” Sam comes up beside Clint, sparing a glance at Steve and Bucky before focusing in on Tony.

“It wasn’t just me!”

“I know. And I’ll have words with the rest of them soon enough. But since you’re here, I-”

His words are cut off by a noticeably sexual gasp coming from the direction of the kitchen, where Bucky has Steve pressed up against the counter. Steve’s eyes shoot open and he pokes Bucky pointedly in the side, which causes Bucky to remove his mouth from Steve’s neck.

“What. I thought they all knew now?”

Clint slaps a hand over his eyes and turns back to Tony.

“I take it back. I take it all back.”

From the kitchen, Steve and Bucky laugh.


End file.
